Dear Mom, How Do I Host - The Case for Cake and Why Holiday Traditions Matter

Cake recipes and holiday traditions that last.

Christmas lunch starts coming together days before the guests arrive. Not because anything is rushed, but because the kitchen tells its best stories early.

By midmorning, the counters held a soft record of what had already happened there — a veil of flour drifting toward the edges, sugar jars left open between steps, butter easing itself to room temperature near the window. Eggs rested in their paper crate, waiting their turn.

I can be a little messy in the kitchen — unless I’m not. Today was a not day. The kitchen looked lived in, worked in, loved hard.

It was only after I’d started that I realized the evaporated milk was missing. (Half-and-half is the recommended substitute, if you’re taking notes.) I stood there with my phone in one hand and a recipe card in the other, doing what cooks have always done — checking, adjusting, carrying on.

Friends were coming for Christmas lunch, and the house had taken on that low, steady hum that only arrives when you’re cooking for people you care about. Bowls touching the counter. The oven fan running softly. A familiar holiday song drifting in and out, just loud enough to keep you company.

Red velvet cake felt right — it always does at Christmas. It looks like the holiday and tastes like celebration, especially when there’s cream cheese icing involved. But Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas in our family without German chocolate cake.

My grandmother always made it.

As I worked through the recipe, it was almost as if she was there with me. I could see her hands sifting flour and cocoa powder together, chopping pecans with practiced confidence, pinching a bite of sweetened coconut from the bag when she thought no one was watching.

German chocolate cake takes some doing. More pans to butter and flour. More bowls to wash. More steps than strictly necessary.

A good family recipe is good that way.

It asks you to slow down. It gives you time — time to remember, time to feel, time to stand in a kitchen and understand that you are not alone in it. There are extra dishes, yes. But there is also extra meaning.

When this cake is served, no one at the table will know it — but there are centuries of love baked into it. And counting.

This is what I want you to remember when you host: don’t forget the traditions.

Write the recipes down. Make them with your sons and daughters. Let them see the mess, the substitutions, the quiet confidence that comes from doing something the way it’s always been done — and sometimes, a little differently.

Those moments become memories. And those memories travel farther than we ever will.

Traditions aren’t about getting it right. They’re about showing up, year after year, and making something together.

And long after we are gone, I hope someone is standing in a kitchen somewhere, dusted in flour, remembering us.

If you’re looking to make a new tradition — or if you’re short on cake traditions — I’d be honored to share ours. The recipe is below.

Please share your questions about family traditions, finding your footing in the kitchen, or how to make people feel welcome in your home. Write to me at dearmom@truitthouseliving.com — this column is always a conversation.

German Chocolate Cake

A little fussy. Entirely worth it.

Ingredients

For the Cake
• 4 ounces sweet baking chocolate, chopped
• ½ cup hot water
• 2¼ cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon fine salt
• 1 cup unsalted butter, softened
• 2 cups sugar
• 4 large eggs, separated
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup buttermilk

For the Coconut–Pecan Filling
• 3 egg yolks
• ¾ cup sugar
• ½ cup unsalted butter
• 1 cup evaporated milk (or half-and-half)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1⅓ cups sweetened shredded coconut
• 1 cup chopped pecans

Instructions

1. Heat oven to 350°F. Butter and flour two or three 9-inch round cake pans.
2. Pour hot water over chocolate and stir until smooth.
3. Whisk flour, baking soda, and salt together.
4. Cream butter and sugar; add egg yolks one at a time, then vanilla.
5. Stir in chocolate. Add dry ingredients alternately with buttermilk.
6. Beat egg whites to soft peaks and gently fold into batter.
7. Divide batter among pans and bake 30–35 minutes. Cool completely.
8. Cook filling ingredients (except coconut and pecans) over medium heat until thickened. Stir in coconut and pecans.
9. Spread filling between layers and on top. Leave sides bare.

About the Author

Kristy McCormally writes Dear Mom, How Do I Host, a weekly column offering warm, wise guidance on hosting, family life, and the small rituals that become our most treasured memories. Through heartfelt stories and practical advice, she helps readers feel confident and joyful in their homes, encouraging them to #LiveBeautifully and to #HostAndHostOften in every season of life.